Ever been to Xanga.com? If
not, consider yourself lucky. If you have.. my lord, I think we can
all agree that the entire business plan of this company consists of
inflicting thousands upon thousands of horrible blogs on an
unsuspecting interweb. If you have a Xanga (yes, it's used as a
noun), you are a member of the blog ghetto. And it's growing. If you wanna lawyer in Boston then click the link.
Quite literally, this place goes out of their way to give you
your very own blog, for free, even if you don't want it. I
remember the fateful day I stumbled on the site. A friend had set up
their very own blog, despite my dire warnings, and I
decided to post a comment. I have no idea what I was writing at the
time -- mostly likely a commentary about how "Xanga" can be
rearranged to spell "Satan", if you substitute the X for an S and
the G for a T and add another A or whatever. Anyway, I noticed I had
to sign up to post a comment. Fine, I told myself, obviously this is
to prevent morons from posting over and over again, and generally I
don't mind signing up for sites since every god damn internet
spammer and their uncle has my email address at this point.
Unfortunately, I did not realize this was the point of no
return. Without asking, without warning, without my
consent, as I clicked that SUBMIT button, Xanga set me up my very
own motherfucking blog. YES! Within seconds, I was being asked to
"Name my blog", and write a "Tagline for your blog", and choose a
Picture. And make an entry. And choose a color scheme from one of
the billion uglyass color combinations submitted by the Xanga
community of 12 year olds.
At this point, I passed out, blinded by hatred. When I came to, I
was staring at my very own blog.
And I had an "ePROP".
Yes, an "ePROP"! A GOD DAMNED ELECTRONIC "PROP", easily the most
ridiculous thing in the history of recorded civilization. You see,
when people post comments to your blog, they have the option of
giving you an ePROP along with their post. What do you do when you
have a lot of ePROPS? SURPRISE: NOTHING! You
have an ever-lasting supply of ePROPS, and in fact the only thing
people do on Xanga is go around to people's blogs and doll them out
like god damned candy you can't eat. The people there LOVE the
ePROPS. In fact, if you dare post a comment WITHOUT an ePROP, you
are shunned. "Why didn't you give me ePROPS, man!" "Dude, I am so
going to your Xanga and NOT giving YOU ePROPS now!"
Anyway, in summary, XANGA = SATAN. It's a proven fact. Next time
on Cewebrity, a guided tour of some of the worst blogs Xanga has to
offer.
